Holiday Burnout & Compassion Fatigue: Your Survival Guide for Helpers

From Understanding to Action

If you listened to Episode 7, you heard why compassion fatigue hits differently during the holidays. When everyone else is celebrating, you're holding onto other people's heaviest moments on top of your own trauma, grief, and stress. You know the theory. You recognize the signs. Now let's talk about how to actually do something about it. 

Use this guide, list of resources, and practical tools today, this week, and throughout the holiday season to protect yourself while you continue to show up for others. 

Section 1: Know Where You Are

Understanding the Progression

Compassion fatigue doesn't happen overnight. Most helpers don't recognize the progression until they're deep in it. Here's what the cycle looks like:

The Compassion Fatigue Cycle:

1. Enthusiastic Engagement → You're energized by the work, deeply invested
2. Irritability & Withdrawal → You start feeling frustrated, pull back from colleagues
3. Emotional Numbness → You notice you're disconnected from clients' stories
4. Physical Symptoms → Sleep disruption, headaches, and digestive issues appear
5. Functional Impairment → Your work quality suffers, and you call in sick more often

What Am I Actually Dealing With?

Understanding the difference matters because the interventions are different:

Burnout:

• Caused by: Workplace conditions, workload, lack of control
• Feels like: Exhaustion, cynicism about your job
• Key marker: "I hate this job/organization"
• Primary need: Organizational change, boundaries, possibly a new role

Compassion Fatigue:

• Caused by: Secondary exposure to trauma, empathic engagement
• Feels like: Emotional depletion from absorbing others' pain
• Key marker: "I can't feel anything anymore" or "Everyone's pain feels like mine"
• Primary need: Trauma processing, nervous system regulation

Vicarious Trauma:

• Caused by: Cumulative exposure to traumatic content
• Feels like: Your worldview has fundamentally changed
• Key marker: "The world isn't safe" (this belief has shifted internally)
• Primary need: Trauma-informed therapy, possibly specialized treatment

Important: These often overlap. You can experience all three at once. That's actually common for helpers, especially during high-stress periods like the holidays.

Self-Assessment Checklist

Take an honest inventory. Check all that apply to you in the last two weeks:

Physical Signals:

• □ Difficulty falling or staying asleep
• □ Sleeping more than usual or difficulty waking
• □ Frequent headaches or muscle tension
• □ Digestive issues or changes in appetite
• □ Getting sick more often
• □ Feeling exhausted despite rest

Emotional Signals:

• □ Feeling numb or flat
• □ Crying easier or feeling on the verge of tears
• □ Irritability or anger out of proportion
• □ Heightened anxiety or sense of dread
• □ Feeling hopeless or helpless
• □ Reduced ability to feel joy or pleasure

Cognitive Signals:

• □ Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• □ Intrusive thoughts about clients' situations
• □ Forgetting appointments or important details
• □ Negative or cynical thoughts about clients
• □ Questioning your competence or effectiveness
• □ Ruminating about cases during off-hours

Behavioral Signals:

• □ Avoiding specific clients or types of cases
• □ Working longer hours but feeling less productive
• □ Increased use of alcohol, food, or other substances to cope
• □ Withdrawing from colleagues or social connections
• □ Difficulty maintaining professional boundaries
• □ Arriving late, leaving early, or calling in sick more often

Relational Signals:

• □ Impatient or short-tempered with loved ones
• □ Withdrawing from friends or family
• □ Conflict in personal relationships
• □ Feeling like no one understands what you're going through
• □ Reduced empathy for people outside of work
• □ Isolation or feeling disconnected from your support system

Scoring:

• 0-5 checks: You're experiencing some stress (normal for this work, but stay aware)
• 6-12 checks: Moderate compassion fatigue. Intervention recommended
• 13-20 checks: Significant compassion fatigue. Immediate action needed
• 21+ checks: Severe compassion fatigue. Please seek professional support now

Section 2: Your Weekly Rhythm Chart (The Deep Dive)

This is the tool I talked briefly about in the episode. I developed this during a time of high stress, extreme grief, and processing the death of my mother, and elevated workloads.  The Weekly Rhythm Chart helped me see patterns that had been draining me for years, and that I'd been missing for years. 

What It Is

A simple tracking system that shows you:

• Which days/times you're most dysregulated
• What client situations hit you hardest
• When you actually rest (vs. when you think you rest)
• The gap between your energy and your commitments

How to Create Your Chart

Step 1: Set Up Your Template

Create a simple grid:

• Left column: Hours of your day (or just morning/afternoon/evening)
• Top row: Days of the week
• Leave space for notes

Step 2: Choose Your Tracking Markers

Use simple symbols or colors:

• ⚡ = High energy/regulated
• ~ = Moderate/managing
• ↓ = Low energy/dysregulated
• 💧 = Emotional moment (tears, numbness, anger spike)
• 🔴 = Crisis/intervention needed

Step 3: Track These Key Data Points

• Energy level at different times
• Emotional state after sessions
• Physical symptoms (headache, tension, nausea)
• Boundary violations (stayed late, took work home, answered emails after hours)
• Restorative activities (actually did them or just thought about them)
• Sleep quality

Step 4: Weekly Review

Every Sunday, look for:

• Patterns: "Every Thursday afternoon I crash" or "Monday mornings I wake up anxious"
• Triggers: Specific client types, supervision meetings, documentation time
• False Recovery: Activities you think restore you but don't actually help
• Capacity Gaps: Times you're committing to things you don't have energy for

Sample Week (Simplified)

Monday AM: ⚡ Good start, energized Monday PM: ~ Three trauma sessions back-to-back, tired but okay Monday Evening: ↓ Couldn't stop thinking about client disclosure, skipped dinner with friend

Tuesday AM: ↓ Woke up exhausted, dragged through morning Tuesday PM: 💧 Cried after session, felt client's pain in my body Tuesday Evening: 🔴 Panic attack, couldn't calm down

Pattern Identified: Back-to-back trauma sessions on Monday leave me dysregulated for 24+ hours. Canceling social plans removes my buffer of support.

Action: Schedule a maximum of two trauma sessions per day with a 30-minute break between. Protect Tuesday dinner with a friend as non-negotiable.

Pro Tips for Using Your Chart

1. Be honest. Lying to your chart only hurts you.
2. Start small. Track for just one week to see if it's useful.
3. Make it visible. Keep it somewhere you'll actually see and update it.
4. Don't judge yourself. The point is data, not shame.
5. Use it for boundary-setting. "My chart shows I need X" is a facts-based boundary.

What to Track (And Why)

Track your energy, not just your schedule. You might have "time off" but still be dysregulated.

Track what happens AFTER sessions, not just during. Compassion fatigue accumulates in the aftermath.

Track your nervous system state, not just your feelings. "Anxious" tells you less than "heart racing, can't focus, snapping at people."

Track boundary violations immediately. The moment you stay late, take work home, or break your own rule, write it down. Patterns emerge fast.

[DOWNLOADABLE: Weekly Rhythm Chart Template] This template is a little different from the one above, but feel free to add it to the information above. 

Section 3: The Compassion Fatigue Workbook (What to Expect)

Full disclosure: I'm recommending a resource I personally use. "The Compassion Fatigue Workbook" by Françoise Mathieu isn't a magic cure, but it's one of the most practical tools I've found.

What's Actually In It

• Self-assessment tools (more detailed than what's in this post)
• Psychoeducation about compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma
• Concrete exercises for building resilience
• Worksheets for identifying your unique triggers and protective factors
• Strategies for organizational-level change
• Recovery plans you can actually implement

Three Exercises That Made a Difference for Me

1. The Compassion Satisfaction Inventory

This flipped my perspective. Instead of only tracking what's depleting me, I started tracking what still brings meaning and satisfaction. Turns out, I had more resources than I thought. I just wasn't paying attention to them.

2. The Professional Quality of Life Scale (ProQOL)

A validated assessment that measures compassion satisfaction, burnout, and secondary traumatic stress. Taking this every 3-6 months shows me if I'm trending toward trouble before I'm in crisis.

3. The Self-Care Action Plan

This is a structured plan that identifies specific, actionable strategies for each domain of your life: physical, emotional, relational, spiritual, and professional. It asks you to be realistic about what you'll actually do.

Who This Book Is For

• Therapists, social workers, medical professionals, first responders
• Anyone in a helping role who's feeling the weight of others' pain
• People who want structured, evidence-based approaches (not just "be kind to yourself")
• Those ready to do the work (this isn't passive reading; it requires engagement)

Who This Book Isn't For

• People currently in acute crisis (get support first, then use this for recovery)
• Those looking for quick fixes or simple answers
• Anyone wanting to be told it's not that bad (this book takes compassion fatigue seriously)

Where to Get It

You can find "The Compassion Fatigue Workbook" by Françoise Mathieu through most major book retailers. It runs $20-30.

If Cost Is a Barrier

Free alternatives:

• ProQOL assessment (free online at proqol.org)
• Trauma Stewardship Institute resources (traumastewardship.com)
• The Headington Institute free resources (headington-institute.org)
• Your professional organization may have free CE courses on compassion fatigue

Library options:

• Request it through your local library
• Many libraries have interlibrary loan systems
• Some professional organizations have lending libraries

Section 4: Trauma Resiliency Training (Making It Happen)

If you work with trauma, you need trauma-informed training for yourself. Not just trauma-informed care training. Training on how to regulate your own nervous system when you're holding space for others' trauma.

Trauma Resource Institute: Community Resiliency Model (CRM)

What It Covers:

• The biology and neurophysiology of trauma, stress, and resilience
• Simple biologically-based wellness skills to reset and stabilize your nervous system
• Learning to read sensations connected to your "Resilient Zone"
• Skills to calm down when you're upset so you can engage challenges from your best self
• Understanding different nervous system "zones" and how you respond to stress
• How to help not just yourself but others in your family and community

Training Format:

• 2-part webinar series (6 hours total, 3 hours per session)
• Sessions held one week apart
• Online format, accessible from anywhere
• Taught by certified CRM Teachers
• Interactive learning with practice of actual techniques

Cost & Time:

• Pay-what-you-can model: $25 to $150 per person
• Actual value is $150, but Trauma Resource Institute wants to make these skills accessible to everyone
• Scholarships: If you can't afford the suggested prices, The Trauma Resource Institute is pleased to offer individual scholarships. contact hello@communitytri.com
• 6 contact hours total (may count toward CE requirements, check with your licensing board)
• Regular offerings throughout the year (check their website for current schedule)

What Makes This Different: You learn body-based skills you can use the same day, both for yourself and to help others in your life. The pay-what-you-can model means financial barriers don't have to keep you from getting trained. CRM focuses on creating trauma-informed and resiliency-focused communities that share a common understanding of how trauma impacts the nervous system and how resilience can be restored.

Direct Link: traumaresourceinstitute.com

Trauma Resource Institute: Trauma Resiliency Model (TRM)

What It Covers:

• Advanced trauma treatment model
• Somatic approaches to trauma healing
• Working with complex trauma and dissociation
• Preventing vicarious trauma in trauma work

Training Format:

• Multi-level training (TRM-1, TRM-2, Certification track)
• Both levels run for 3 days, 8 hours each day 
• More clinical focus than CRM

Cost & Time:

• TRM-1: $950
• TRM-2: $950
• 18.5 hours of CE for each level 
• Certification track available for those wanting to teach TRM

Best For: Clinicians doing direct trauma therapy who want a comprehensive treatment model.

Community Resiliency Initiative

What They Offer:

• Free CRM training for underserved communities
• Large catalogue of training options from emotional regulation drills, addressing trauma in the workplace, to their trauma-informed certification course. 
• Adaptations for working with children and adolescents
• Train-the-trainer models for organizations
• Resources in multiple languages

Training Details:

• Often offered at no cost through community partnerships
• Flexible formats (half-day, full-day, multi-day)
• Focus on bringing resilience skills to communities experiencing collective trauma

Direct Link: https://criresilient.org/

Perfect For: Those working in community settings, schools, or with populations experiencing systemic trauma.

The Professional Development Pitch: Getting Your Employer to Pay

Most organizations benefit when their staff are trained in trauma resilience, but you have to make the case. Here's how:

Template Email (Formal):

Subject: Professional Development Request - Trauma Resiliency Training

Dear [Supervisor Name],

I'm writing to request funding for professional development training that directly supports our work with [clients/patients/community members]. I'd like to attend [specific training name] on [dates].

This training addresses: - Staff retention (reduces compassion fatigue and burnout) - Quality of care (evidence-based trauma-informed interventions) - Risk management (prevents provider impairment) - Team resilience (skills transferable to colleagues)

The investment breaks down to: - Training cost: $[amount] - [CE credits]: [number] hours toward my licensing requirement - ROI: Research shows every $1 invested in staff wellness saves $4 in turnover costs

I'm happy to: - Present what I learn at our next team meeting - Create a one-page resource sheet for the team - Lead a lunch-and-learn on key techniques

I believe this training will strengthen my effectiveness with our highest-need cases and contribute to our team's overall resilience during this demanding season.

Thank you for considering this request. I'm available to discuss further.

[Your name]

Template Email (Informal, if you have that kind of relationship):

Hey [Name],

I want to talk to you about something I'm seeing in myself and honestly across our team. We're running on empty. I found this training on trauma resilience that's specifically designed for people doing our kind of work.

[Training name], [dates], costs [amount]. I know that's not pocket change, but here's why I think it's worth it:

We're losing good people to burnout. This training teaches actual skills for preventing that. I'd bring back what I learn and share it with the team. Think of it as training one person to train everyone else.

Can we talk about whether there's room in the PD budget? Or maybe a way to split the cost? I'm also happy to write this up more formally if that helps make it happen.

[Your name]

In-Person Script:

"I want to talk to you about professional development. I've been noticing [specific example: 'that I'm having trouble sleeping after tough sessions' or 'that our team seems more strained than usual']. I found this training on trauma resilience that addresses what we're dealing with. The cost is [amount], and here's what I'm thinking..."

[Present the same ROI points as the formal email, but conversationally]

"What would it take to make this happen?"

Making the ROI Case

For organizations, trauma resiliency training provides:

• Reduced turnover: Replacing a trained clinician costs 50-200% of their annual salary
• Fewer sick days: Compassion fatigue leads to increased illness and absenteeism
• Better outcomes: Regulated providers provide better care
• Risk management: Impaired providers create liability
• Reputation: Organizations known for supporting staff attract better candidates

Frame it as: "This is an investment in organizational health."

What to Do If They Say No

Ask about:

• Partial funding (you pay half, they pay half)
• Payment plan options (many trainings offer this)
• Using PTO to attend and pay yourself (this is less than ideal) 
• Whether there's a different budget line (conference fund, CE allowance, etc.)
• Grants or scholarships (many training organizations offer them)

Get creative:

• Team up with colleagues to request group training (often discounted)
• Look for free webinar versions of the content
• Ask if you can attend and create a training for your team in exchange
• Investigate whether your professional liability insurance includes CE funding

If the answer is still no: Consider whether this is a workplace that values your sustainability. Sometimes "no" to basic professional development is information about whether this is the right place for you long-term.

Section 5: Specific Grounding Techniques You Can Use Today

Theory is great. Right now, you need something that works in the moment. Here are techniques organized by when to use them.

When You're Activated (Hyper-arousal)

1. The 4-7-8 Breath

• Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts
• Hold for 7 counts
• Exhale through your mouth for 8 counts
• Repeat 4 times

Why it works: The extended exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system (your brake pedal). The counting gives your mind something to do besides spiral.

Use it: After a difficult session, before bed when your mind is racing, during a panic response.

2. Cold Water Reset

• Splash cold water on your face, or
• Hold ice cubes in your hands, or
• Take a cold shower

Why it works: Triggers the dive reflex, slowing your heart rate right away and shifting you out of fight-or-flight.

Use it: During acute anxiety, panic attacks, when you feel like you're going to lose it. Alternatively, having something very sour, like sucking on a lemon or a very sour candy, can also help shift you out of the fight-or-flight mode. 

3. Bilateral Stimulation (Butterfly Hug)

• Cross your arms over your chest
• Alternate tapping your shoulders with your hands
• Slow, rhythmic, for 30-60 seconds

Why it works: Engages both hemispheres of your brain, similar to EMDR. Provides proprioceptive input that grounds you in your body.

Use it: When you're overwhelmed with someone else's story, feeling flooded, before you need to re-engage with work.

When You're Shut Down (Hypo-arousal)

4. The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

• Name 5 things you can see
• Name 4 things you can touch
• Name 3 things you can hear
• Name 2 things you can smell
• Name 1 thing you can taste

Why it works: Brings you out of dissociation and back into your body through sensory engagement.

Use it: When you feel numb, disconnected, or like you're watching yourself from outside your body.

5. Movement with Intention

• Stand up and stretch reaching toward the ceiling
• Do 10 jumping jacks
• March in place for 30 seconds
• Dance to one song

Why it works: Activates your system, gets energy moving, releases tension stored in your body.

Use it: When you feel frozen, foggy, exhausted but can't rest, flat.

For General Regulation (Use Anytime)

6. Box Breathing

• Breathe in for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Breathe out for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Repeat for 2-3 minutes

Why it works: Balances your nervous system without pushing you in either direction. Creates equal activation and calm.

Use it: Before a session, during a break, as a daily practice, when you just need to reset.

7. Orienting

• Slowly look around the room
• Notice what you see without judgment
• Let your eyes land on something pleasant
• Take your time

Why it works: Interrupts internal focus (rumination, anxiety) and reminds your nervous system that you're safe in this moment.

Use it: Between sessions, when you're stuck in your head, as a transition ritual.

Creating Your Grounding Practice

Don't wait until you're in crisis. Practice these when you're calm so they're available when you're not.

Match the technique to your state. Hyper-aroused? Slow down. Hypo-aroused? Speed up. Not sure? Start with box breathing.

Build them into your day. After every session, before you leave work, first thing in the morning.

Keep them visible. Put reminders on your desk, in your car, on your phone.

Section 6: Holiday Survival Toolkit

The holidays intensify everything. Clients are struggling more, workloads haven't decreased or worse yet have gotten larger, and your family wants you to be present. You are expected to be festive while holding onto your and everyone else's stress and crisis. 

This toolkit is your emergency kit. Print it. Keep it visible. Use it.

Warning Signs: Time to Intervene

Check yourself daily during this season. If you notice 3 or more:

Physical:

• □ Sleep disruption (can't fall asleep, can't wake up, nightmares)
• □ Appetite changes (forgetting to eat or overeating)
• □ Tension headaches or body pain
• □ Getting sick more often
• □ Exhaustion that doesn't improve with rest

Emotional:

• □ Feeling like you might cry at any moment
• □ Numbness or inability to feel joy
• □ Irritability out of proportion to situation
• □ Dreading work or checking your schedule with dread
• □ Feeling nothing when clients share painful stories

Behavioral:

• □ Canceling plans with friends/family
• □ Staying late at work to avoid going home (or vice versa)
• □ Increased alcohol, food, or substance use
• □ Scrolling social media instead of resting
• □ Avoiding certain clients or types of work

If 3+ are checked: You need intervention now. Choose one thing from the sections below and do it today.

Three Quick Grounding Techniques for Right Now

1. The Countdown:

• 5 deep breaths
• 4 things you can see
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can feel
• 1 thing you can smell

(30 seconds, do it anywhere)

2. The Shake-Out:

• Stand up
• Shake your hands hard for 10 seconds
• Shake your arms
• Shake your legs
• Shake your whole body
• Take three deep breaths

(Releases held tension, works in a bathroom stall)

3. The Reset:

• Place one hand on your heart
• Place one hand on your belly
• Breathe slowly and deeply for 60 seconds
• Say out loud: "I'm doing the best I can"

(Combines self-compassion with physiological calming)

Boundaries You Can Set This Week

At Work:

"I need to tag out on this case for today. Can someone else cover?"

• Use it when you've hit your limit with a particular client or situation
• This isn't failing. You're protecting both you and the client

"I can't take new clients until after the new year."

• Deliver it without apologizing
• Your waiting list is information about your capacity

"I'm ending our session at the scheduled time today."

• Say it 10 minutes before the end
• Then actually end on time
• Chronic late endings are a boundary violation you're committing against yourself

"I won't be checking email/messages after [time]."

• Set an auto-response
• Turn off notifications
• Your clients' crises are not improved by your 10pm responses

At Holiday Gatherings:

"I need to step outside for a minute."

• Take the break before you need it
• Five minutes of cold air and silence can reset you

"I can't stay for the whole thing, but I'm glad I came for this part."

• Leaving early isn't rude when you've communicated it
• An hour of present engagement beats three hours of resentful endurance

"I love you, and I'm not available to discuss [triggering topic] today."

• Family will ask about your job, reasons on why you can't "just take a day off or call out" or ask you to do more than you already are doing 
• You don't owe them details about your hard days
• "NO" is a complete sentence. You do not need to give reasons or explanations for saying no. 

With Yourself:

"I'm taking a real day off, and I'm not feeling guilty about it."

• Rest isn't a reward you earn; it's a requirement
• Schedule it like an appointment

"I'm allowed to feel nothing during the holidays."

• You don't have to manufacture festive feelings
• Numbness is information, not failure

Your Crisis Contacts (Fill This Out Now)

Therapist/Counselor: _________________________ | Phone: _____________

Supervisor/Clinical Consultant: _________________________ | Phone: _____________

Trusted Colleague: _________________________ | Phone: _____________

Friend/Family Member who gets it: _________________________ | Phone: _____________

Crisis Line (988 or local): _________________________

Employee Assistance Program: _________________________ | Phone: _____________

Reminder: Rest Is Resistance

Rest is how you stay in this for the long haul. 

Section 7: The Boundaries That Actually Stick

Let's be honest: Most boundary advice is useless. "Just say no!" "Put yourself first!" Cool. Now tell me how to do that when my caseload is full, my supervisor is pressuring me, and I genuinely care about my clients.

Here are boundaries that account for reality.

At Work

Boundary: "I need to tag out on this case"

The Script: "I need to ask someone else to cover [Client Name]'s session today. I'm not in the right headspace to be helpful to them right now, and they deserve better. Can you help me figure out coverage?"

When to Use It:

• You've been triggered by content similar to your own trauma
• You're feeling flooded after a heavy session
• You realize you're overidentified with a client's situation
• You're having intrusive thoughts about a case

Handling Pushback:

• "But they asked for you specifically." → "I understand, and right now the most helpful thing I can do for them is make sure they have a provider who's regulated and present."
• "We don't have coverage." → "Then I need to reschedule them. An ineffective session with me isn't better than a rescheduled session with someone who can show up."
• "This seems like a pattern." → "You're right. Let's talk about my caseload composition. I'm noticing I'm getting a concentration of [trauma type] that's impacting my ability to be effective."

Why This Works: Providing therapy while dysregulated is like doing surgery with shaky hands. You're protecting your client by recognizing your limits.

Boundary: "I can't take on new clients right now"

The Script: "My current caseload is at capacity. I'm not able to take on new clients until [specific date]. I can provide referrals or we can add them to my waiting list."

When to Use It:

• You're staying late to complete notes
• You're thinking about work during off-hours more than usual
• You've noticed your quality of care declining
• Your Weekly Rhythm Chart shows chronic dysregulation

Handling Pushback:

• "But we have a waiting list." → "Yes, and adding more clients than I can serve well doesn't actually solve that problem."
• "Everyone else is managing." → "I'm not everyone else. I'm telling you what I need to maintain the standard of care I'm committed to."
• "Can you just see them once to get them started?" → "No. That would be starting a therapeutic relationship I can't maintain. That's worse than referring them out now."

Why This Works: Overextending yourself doesn't help anyone. Multiple people get subpar care instead of being connected to someone who actually has capacity.

Boundary: Saying No to Holiday Overtime

The Script: "I'm not available for holiday coverage this year. I know that impacts scheduling, and I need you to understand this is non-negotiable for me right now."

When to Use It:

• You've worked holidays for multiple years running
• Your compassion fatigue score is moderate or higher
• You're noticing increased physical symptoms
• You need this time for your own recovery

Handling Pushback:

• "But we really need you." → "I understand. I'm not available. Let's problem-solve who else can cover."
• "You'll get holiday pay." → "This isn't about money. This is about my capacity to continue doing this work in a way that's sustainable."
• "This will be noted in your review." → "I understand. I'm still not available." (Document this conversation.)

Why This Works: If your organization can't function without requiring staff to sacrifice holidays every year, that's an organizational problem. Not your problem to solve by martyring yourself.

Boundary: Ending Sessions on Time

The Script (at the 10-minute mark): "We have about ten minutes left today. I want to make sure we have time to wrap up and think about what you want to focus on next time."

When They Try to Drop a Bomb at the End: "That sounds really important. I want to give it the attention it deserves, which means we need to start with it next session rather than rush it in the last few minutes. Can we make sure to begin with that next week?"

Handling Pushback:

• "But I really need to talk about this now." → "I hear that it feels urgent. And starting to process something this big in the last 5 minutes wouldn't be helpful. Let's make sure we have full time for it next session. If you need support between now and then, here are your crisis resources."
• "You don't care about me." → "I care enough to not start something we can't properly work through. Ending on time is part of how I take care of both of us."

Why This Works: Chronic late endings teach your clients that boundaries are negotiable and train your nervous system to be in constant low-level anxiety about when sessions will actually end. You're also stealing time from your next client or from your own recovery time.

Boundary: "I won't be checking email/messages after [time]"

The Script (in your email signature and voicemail): "I check messages between [time] and [time], Monday through Friday. If you're experiencing a crisis, please contact [crisis line] or go to your nearest emergency room. I will respond to non-urgent messages within [timeframe]."

The Follow-Through:

• Turn off email notifications after your cutoff time
• Don't "just check quickly" (that's how boundaries erode)
• Set up auto-responses for after-hours
• Actually don't respond until your next designated time

Handling Pushback:

• "But what if someone's in crisis?" → "Then they need crisis services, not an email. I'm not an emergency response system."
• "Other therapists are available 24/7." → "Then clients who need that should work with those therapists. I'm clear about my availability."

Why This Works: You cannot provide crisis intervention via email. Clients in actual crisis need actual crisis resources. You checking your email at 11pm doesn't help them and destroys your ability to be present the next day.

Section 8: Finding Therapy for Helpers

Here's the thing nobody tells you when you get into this line of work: you need a therapist. Not because you're broken, but because this work can break you open in ways that require professional support.

Why Case Managers, Therapists, and Caregivers Need Therapists

You can't process secondary trauma in supervision. That's not what supervision is for. You can't dump it on your partner or friends. They didn't sign up for that. You can't just "self-care" your way through vicarious trauma.

You need someone who:

• Gets the unique weight of holding space for trauma
• Won't be shocked by what you've heard
• Can help you process without making it about them
• Understands the ethical complexities you navigate
• Won't judge you for the days you feel nothing

How to Find Sliding-Scale Options

Psychology Today Filter: This is a wonderful website. Therapists have to specifically pay to be registered on this website, and they have to keep their information updated. Use the filter to find therapists that specialize in a specific area such as trauma, ADHD, depression (and more!) as one of their specialties. You can filter by what insurance they take, male/female/non-binary, in person vs online, and much more. 

Open Path Collective: A nonprofit network of therapists offering $30-$80 sessions. One-time $65 membership fee, then you have access to their entire network.

Training Clinics: University counseling programs often run low-cost clinics staffed by advanced students under supervision. You get quality care at a fraction of the cost.

Your Professional Organization: Many offer therapist directories specifically for helpers. See if your organization also provides the Employee Access Program (EAP) - some other orgs may do one better and have on staff employee counselors, therapists or life navigators. Check with your HR department. 

Ask Your Own Therapist Network: If you know therapists in your area, ask who they see. Therapists often have informal networks of who treats helpers well.

What to Look For in a Therapist Who Gets This Work

Green Flags:

• They ask about your work
• Empathy and compassion should be observed immediately
• They understand secondary trauma and compassion fatugue without you having to educate them 
• They don't minimize your exhaustion or reframe it as a mindset issue 
• They can hold your greif, anger, numbness, and ambivalance witout trying to fix you
• They respect that you are competent and struggling at the same time 
• THey help you track nervous system patterns, not just thoughts
• They encourage boundaries without shaming you for where yours are breaking 

Red Flags: 

• They jump straight to positive reframes
• They disiss work stress as "just a part of the job" 
• They push graditute or mindfulness without addressing trauma load 
• They seem uncomfortable with the reality of your work 
• THey frame burnout as a personal failure instead of a systemic issue 

Reminder: You are allowed to interview therapists and to leave if it is not a fit. Staying with the wrong therapist can deepen compassion fatigue instead of releiving it. 

Final Word: This Is About Staying 

Most people don't leave caregiving work because they have 'just stopped caring.' They leave because the cost of caring keeps rising while support stays flat. Over time, that imbalance erodes sleep, relationships, health, and the parts of you that felt steady. 

This post isn't asking you to harden yourself or to push through and carry more. It is offering ways to notice what your body and mind are already telling you and to respond before the damage compounds. Compassion fatigue isn't a personal shortcoming; it is a predictable outcome of sustained exposure to other people's pain without adequate recovery. 

You also do not need to apply everything here. Just pick one tool, one boundary, or one conversation. Minor adjustments made consistently matter more than overhaul plans that never come to fruition. 

Feeling less during the holidays doesn't mean you are disconnected or doing something wrong; it just means that your system is trying to protect itself. 

Staying in this work requires care that is real and not aspirational. Boundaries, support, and recovery are a part of the job. If you are still here, paying attention and willing to intervene on your own behalf, remember, you're putting yourself first so you can continue on.